Why does my grief feel so overwhelming when I lose someone?

When you lose someone and the grief feels overwhelming, that is not an overreaction. Grief that heavy is telling you something about how much that person mattered.

But grief can also feel so heavy because it is not only about losing the person. It is about losing what they were giving you. When someone becomes a source of security or stability, their presence starts to feel like something you cannot function without.

So when they are gone, what hurts is not just love. It is also the sudden awareness that you have to stand on your own.

From the Mahabharata

You can see this contrast in the Mahabharata.

Dhritarashtra’s grief for Bhishmacharya is overwhelming because Bhishma was his sense of security. As long as he was around as a father-figure, Dhritarashtra felt everything was “sorted.” When Bhishmacharya falls, he feels completely shaken.

But Arjuna and Yudhishthira also loved Bhishmacharya deeply, and yet their grief did not come from dependence. They loved him for who he was, not for what they were getting from him.

This reflection draws from Swamini Supriyananda’s Mahabharata teachings at Chinmaya Mission Hong Kong.

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